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Day Of The Dead (2008)

I caught a screener of this last night.

It sucked so bad i wanted to kill everybody even remotely involved in it.

With a crowbar.

Twice each.

Slowly.

It has NOTHING at all to do with the (great, IMO) Romero movie of the same name. It might just as well have been called "Colorado Zombie Movie" or "I Was An Army Chick In Her Twenties Who Deals With A Zombie Attack That Was No Doubt Shot In Canada Because It Was Cheaper To Film That Way", or "Big Ass Piece Of Shit".

Nothing happens for the first 24 minutes and, once things do pick up we get to see a token black guy who actually says things like, "Shut up, bitch!", as he kills a male zombie, 'I ain't tryin' to hear that!", when he's confused, and, "Aiiite?" (that super slangy way of saying, "All right?"), when he explains something. I'm a fifty-two year old white guy so I might be wrong here but I'm pretty sure nobody has said, "Aiiite?" in at least a decade.

But enough about me.

The infected people (don't ask how or why) cough a lot, get a nose bleed, and then freeze as if catatonic just before they turn into zombies. Once they do turn their skin magically gets all rotten and ugly-like in a flash. You can kill them with a shot in the head, which the black guy is nice enough to point out to us as if nobody has ever seen a zombie movie before, and, when they are engulfed by fire their heads explode and they crumble to pieces in a blaze of really crappy CGI.

Everybody in this movie is an idiot and they didn't die soon enough for me.

I seriously doubt the makers of this mess have ever even seen a zombie movie.

Well...

Maybe one or two and that's as far as the research went.

Don't get me wrong here. If you're a fourteen year old girl who needs to act scared as an excuse to cuddle with a guy so you don't feel like a slut or whatever this just might be the movie for you.

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